How to deal with a family crisis

By RICHARD ELLIS / Abilene Families

What’s the biggest crisis your family has ever experienced? Stress comes in several forms.
Maybe it’s financial. Just lose your job? That qualifies as a crisis.

It could be a health problem. How about a diagnosis of diabetes or heart disease? Is anyone pregnant?
Does your child have a condition that no doctor can figure out? Maybe it’s a chronic condition that you can identify but nobody can fix? CRISIS! 

Relationship difficulties? Is someone having an affair? CRISIS!

The truth is that crisis is inevitable. It WILL happen in your family. Everyone needs to have a plan for how to cope with the stress that comes with crisis. I often ask clients who have come for counseling what they do to cope with stress.

Most of the time they look back at me with a blank look on their face as if to say  “ I never really thought about it before.”  The truth is many people haven’t thought clearly about it and don’t have a plan for handling the crisis.
 Let me encourage you to develop that plan for yourself and for your family. If you don’t that crisis may blow up the family to the point that it never recovers.

Those are the families that come to my office for counseling, and many times it’s too late to save the marriage or the family.  

Below are some suggestions for handling crisis:

1)  Reframe The Crisis.

Did you ever decide to put a new frame on an old painting?  It’s amazing how it changes the look of the artwork.  

Reframing is the idea of looking for something positive or something you can learn from the situation. Getting fired?  Maybe it’s a chance to change to the career you’ve always wanted. Total your car in a car accident? Get something more fuel efficient. Did the tree fall on the house in the last storm?  You’ve got firewood for the winter.  During my five years as a professor at ACU we played a game with my counseling students.  It was called “unfortunately…but fortunately.”   A student would describe and unfortunate situation and the next person had to say “ but fortunately” and then give a new perspective about what had previously been described. It was always fun to listen to new perspectives on bad situations. 

2)  Handle The Crisis As A Family.

A family crisis will impact everyone in the family no matter their age.  Everyone will have different needs and handle the crisis differently. Don’t expect others to think, feel, and react the same way.  It’s important to communicate about those differences and allow everyone to contribute something to the solution.
 
3)  Get Help When Needed.
 
Resources abound. Maybe you need a professional counselor. Perhaps your church can help.  Attorneys can protect your family when needed. 

4)  Be Flexible.

A crisis may develop quickly but it’s rarely resolved quickly.  Family roles, routines and rules may need to change during the crisis. That’s not only acceptable, it may be necessary. 

5)  Take Care Of Your Health.

Exercise regularly and eat well. Monitor your sleep. Stress and crisis makes us much more vulnerable to illness which may make the crisis worse.

6)  Make “Me” Time.

Nobody can be with others 24-7-365 in a crisis mode without crashing eventually. Do something that gives you some joy and pleasure. It’s OK to go play a round of golf, go to a ladies BUNKO night, or go camping or sailing.  Doing something fun is especially important during a crisis.

7)  Learn What Is And Is Not A Crisis.

Not everything is. Our definition of a crisis is often dependent upon our experience and our perspective. In fact, most things are NOT a crisis.   How kids respond is often based on how the adults around them respond.  Respond calmly and they likely will too.  

So what’s your plan?  Don’t count on developing one quickly five minutes after the crisis comes.  Work on your plan before the crisis and it will serve you well.

The great philosopher Lynyrd Skynrd wrote some verse known as “Simple Man.” It offers a perspective for being ready to handle any crisis that comes. He describes the words from his mother as follows:

 

Take your time... don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Boy, don’t you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow your heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Not bad advice from a mother to a son.   Not bad advice for all of us as we try to handle the inevitable crisis that will come to all of us.   Contentment.  Love. Spirituality.  Knowing who you are.  Following your dreams.  Effort.

   Those are the things that will sustain us in the crisis and allow us to come out better and wiser on the other side.